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Saturday, July 05, 2008

Be nice, now.

This is the time of year the tourists (that’s not terrorists, that’s tourists) come to enjoy what we in Maine have all year ‘round. There may not be as many of them this year what with the price of gas and the economy going south, Americans may not be travelling as much as they used to.
So get ready for the Canadians, who are likely to be heading south, too, to take advantage of our weak dollar. That’s probably the only way the nice Canadians would ever take advantage of anyone, which is why we’re saying be extra-special nice, because these are the kinds of folks rumored to apologize (that’s “apologize” to them) if you step on their toe. “Sore-eee,” they’ll say, even as they wince.

Anyway, as we were saying, we want to keep those people-from-away coming here. So it would be good if you kept your attitude in check when the following touristy things happen this summer:
• Someone in a large, late-model car crawls down the road that you normally bomb along, veering over at every mailbox until they find the house they’re looking for. Do not honk, do not make obscene gestures. Just be patient; it will all be over by November.

• The line at your local sandwich joint has a crowd of 14 spiffily dressed, boat-shoe-and-sunglass-wearing vacationers, all of whom are related and all of whom are intent on ordering fourteen different kinds of sandwiches, each one of which has a different combination of condiments on it. Bring your lunch to work next time.

• A large number of frantic-looking matrons seem to be cruising the aisles at your local supermarket. It’s hard to see them, because they’re pushing carts so loaded with groceries that they’re almost invisible behind the piles of Cheerios, hotdogs and beer. These are the poor grandmothers who are doing their best to cope with the dozens of family members (and even casual acquaintances) who descend on their Maine homes every summer. It’s not nice to stand in the checkout line behind these suffering women and mutter under your breath about the awful eating habits of vacationing families from New Jersey. Best to buy your groceries in small lots (14 or less individual items) and go through the express checkout with the rest of the locals.
Have a nice day!

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