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By J.P. DEVINE 10/28/2007

I have since rejected the big box religions like Judaism, Mormonism and Islam, not to mention Hinduism and Sufism, all for political and sartorial reasons.

The small box religions, like Baptists and the evangelical clusters, all seem to congregate in small buildings where they raise hallelujah money to build bigger buildings like glass cathedrals and donate to neo-con hawks.

No thanks.

Basically, the very idea of putting on a suit and tie and going to a building to “worship” has always seemed bizarre to me. It has the same effect on me as a minor stroke. I lose the feeling in my legs.

Each Sunday, as the faithful congregate, my dog Jack and I stroll and pick, mend and prune, rake and scrape, read the New York Times, sip our coffee and take in the fresh Maine air while basking in the autumnal showers of falling leaves. Ah, nature.

This rapturous feeling led me to explore Wicca, which is basically a worship of nature, but of course, much more complex than that. Wicca is a big thing with feminists and those “seeking a more woman-positive, earth-based” religion. I’m very big on women-positive stuff.

The part that intrigued me most was the practice of rituals in the great outdoors, parks, gardens, forests, yards or hillsides. Now that’s a religion perfectly suited to Maine. And I like that there is no Wiccan running for president. How many firsts can we handle?

Before your hair catches fire, let me say at the outset that “Eclectic Wiccans” are not witches and do not perform magic, which is fine because I’m not good at card tricks or making things disappear, except for the car keys, which is a senior thing. Wiccans simply seem to worship nature, which is cool with me. It says in the literature I read that most Wiccans are neo-pagans (but not all pagans are Wiccans).

Pagan, of course, comes from the Latin “paganus,” which means “country dweller.” That would cover most of central and northern Maine. I don’t think that covers the Old Port in Portland, and certainly not the Augusta mall.

One little item in the literature of Wicca that interested me is that of “skyclad,” or working in the nude. I’m putting that idea off until I lose that extra fifteen pounds and the price of oil goes down.

But I find that Wiccans may wear “robes, cords and Renaissance-faire type clothing.” That sounds like fun, but I couldn’t find any in the Ralph Lauren Polo catalogue or Macys.

Many Wiccans meditate and like to “dance, chant, burn candles and incense and use herbs and charms.”

I guess I was a Wiccan all through the sixties and didn’t know it. Which brings to mind an old girlfriend from that time, Louise from Brooklyn, who bathed in patchouli and wore Christmas tree lights in her hair. She thought she had cast a spell on me, but actually it was her lasagna and expert “skyclad” performances.

But after more intensive research into the religion, I find Wicca to be, like all the others, too cluttered with “things to do.” I will remain non-registered and adhere to Groucho Marx’s famous adage — “I don’t want to be part of any club that would have me as a member." J.P. Devine, a freelancer, lives in Waterville.

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