Bookmark & share:

E-mail this page E-mail a letter to the editor Reader Comments (below)

By STEPHANIE LAW
Staff Writer Monday, August 06, 2007

Editor’s Note: Sixth in a series of columns about one woman’s journey through the often-scary world of breast cancer diagnosis and treatment.

I had almost accepted my new status as a breast cancer patient. I say “almost” because it still seemed a little unreal to me. Two months ago, I was healthy (I thought) and my life finally was headed in a good direction. Then, Wham!

Surgery was scheduled for the next day, and, after I took my shower, I took a really long look at myself in the mirror. I tried to imagine what I would look like after surgery. It was difficult.

I was fairly large-breasted, but my chest sort of balanced out my ever-expanding belly (post-menopausal belly fat, not acquired by drinking beer.) Without that balance, I thought, I’m not going to be just pear-shaped, I’m going to really look like a pear.

I have to admit that until the day before surgery, I hadn’t shed any tears about my condition. I don’t know why; I certainly knew it was going to be life-changing, but somehow it was almost as if I were going through this whole experience in the third person. It was happening to me, but it seemed as if I were a spectator to my own life.

That night, though, I did break down and shed a few tears — for the death of the life I had B.C. (before cancer). Not only the way I would look, but also the way people might look at me: “Poor woman, she has cancer, you know.”

I have always been a strong, independent woman and pity is the last emotion I want directed my way. I vowed then and there that I wasn’t going to let this disease get me down. I not only would beat it physically, but mentally and emotionally, too. Other people lose limbs to accidents or wars; this is just my loss in the war against cancer. More visible than some losses, but much less than others.

I started listing the benefits to surgical removal of both breasts:

1. I never have to buy another bra (in fact, I plan to have a bra-burning party when all this is over).

2. I will never have to have another mammogram (nothing left to X-ray, after all).

3. I’ll be able to hug other people much more closely after surgery.

4. If I ever take up jogging, I won’t have to hold them down or worry about them hitting me in the eyes.

5. I’ll have an immediate 5-pound weight loss.

Tears shed, sense of humor intact. I was ready.

Stephanie Law is a copy editor at the newspaper and lives in Sabattus

NEXT: Surgery

Contact Stephanie Law by e-mailing: doverfox51@midmaine.com

Bookmark and share this story: